


Not Again

by whoms_account_be_this



Category: Degrassi
Genre: gay male author
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-26
Updated: 2016-10-26
Packaged: 2018-08-27 05:04:54
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,349
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8388301
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/whoms_account_be_this/pseuds/whoms_account_be_this
Summary: Maya's thoughts as she waits for Grace to wake up in 2x09.





	

**Author's Note:**

> Dedicated to @thismightgetboring on tumblr for a post she made on this topic. It broke my writer’s block!

**Not Again**

Hospitals were always less than pleasant. They were quiet in a way that was so very loud, clean as a whistle though they made her skin crawl with imaginary germs, and frankly, sad.

Maya eyed Grace through the glass window and half-closed blinds that separated them. Her best friend lay unconscious on the bed. At least she would be okay, the doctor said. There was that at least. At least she had a pulse. At least she made it to the hospital bed unlike another. She felt the crippling anxiety of "What if we didn't make it in time?" It was a useless question. No need to fall to the floor in a panic for an event that didn't happen. She gripped the nearby chair for support anyway, doing her best to ignore Zig standing next to her. Perhaps in some infinitely distant way, this was his fault too. It was certainly his fault that she couldn't lean on him for support.

Grace's mother was in the room, just happy that her daughter was alright. Just happy that she had friends enough that cared about her. The thought made Maya sad. How had Grace spent so much time alone that the thought of friends was a surprise to her mother? Though, in retrospect, it wasn't so much of a surprise now. She hardly knew Grace if her outburst today was any indication. How had she missed that her best friend wanted her boyfriend?

 _Lottery of life_ , Grace had mentioned. _She has some pretty serious health problems_ , Zoë had said.

How much about Grace did she not know? How could they be so close, yet so far apart? How sick is she?

 _Is it depressing or amusing that I love people who want to hold their darkest secrets from me?_  Cam, Miles, Grace. Hell, even Zig didn't want to let her know his demons.  _If they would just tell me things..._  she looked over to Zig.  _So much could have been prevented._

She squashed any thought of self-blame. She tried her hardest to be the best friend and girlfriend she could be. No one was perfect, but none of this was her fault. She clinched her fist at memory of Zig blaming her for his cheating. She looked to him a few feet away, murmuring quietly with Tiny. Did he even know all the anger and pain he caused? Zig turned to her and tried to smile. His eyes were sad. Maybe he did. It didn't matter right now. Out of all the betrayals, Grace had been the most recent. It wasn't cheating. Or death. It was fixable with a talk.

_I'll be the first one to talk to her when she wakes up. I won't let another person I care about drift away._

She shook herself to awareness as Tiny nudged her shoulder.

"We can stay if you want to get back. Your mother probably wants you home for dinner."

Maya plastered a smile on her face. It was kind of Tiny, but she knew he did little more than speak the words that Zig was too afraid to. Though perhaps that was Zig’s way of being kind. At least he finally learned to leave her alone when possible. She had never doubted that he cared in his own way.

She closed her eyes and crushed any feelings towards Zig. Those weren't for today. Or this week. Or this month and year. Grace was her only concern right now.

"No, I'll stay. I really want to be here for Grace."

Tiny nodded and turned to look to Zig who did much of the same, though more reserved than was usual for him. How things had changed for all of them since the rubber room. Grace, Tiny, Zig and her, together for nearly two years now. All the people who were important to Grace. No, wait, Grace had come out of her shell a bit this year. They were in a band together with Jonah. She was friends with Zoë... whatever happened there? Maybe she should have asked, instead of just assuming Grace offed Zoë as a sign of solidarity. She had been quick to forgive Zig, hadn't she?

Maya shook her head. She could find a thousand reasons to blame herself and convince herself that she was the one at fault. That she deserved to be treated this way. She couldn't let herself think that. She had done her best. She would keep doing what was best for Grace.

"We should let others know that she is okay. Jonah and Zoë," she said, her voice dipping into venom unconsciously. Zoë may have saved Grace, but Zoë was... Zoë was the one friend that she couldn't regret losing.  _How many times has she hurt me now_ _?_

She shook the thought away and turned to Tiny. "Can you text her? I’ll text Jonah. Let me know if you think of anyone else that may be concerned."

"I don't have Zoë's number," Tiny said. "She was never my friend." He turned to Zig.

Maya interrupted Tiny before he could speak. "I'll text Tristan after Jonah. He'll be in contact with her."

She left it at that. Zig wasn't happy with Zoë either, though it was a topic that they all chose not to broach. _Maybe I could have saved her too?_ _Stop it, Maya. You can't save everyone. You gave her enough chances._

Things were quiet for a moment. Maya could feel each beat of her heart and each growl of her stomach. Tiny was looking between the both of them, and she wished he would stop. She could see it in his eyes. Going from trying to create some bridge between her and Zig and keeping his body between them as a buffer. Grace had commented that Tiny was as pissed at Zig as they were, but she hadn't really believed it. _Why aren't we friends? He's probably too normal._

She chuckled at her own joke, drawing a look from the boys. Normal. Her jokes always got morbid in times like these. All those night in the hospital with her dad and sister really brought that out in her. She could stand to never be in a hospital again after her mom, but here she was.

Her stomach growled again.

"Are you sure you don't want to go home for dinner?" Tiny asked.

"I'm not leaving. I have to be here when she wakes up." _You aren't alone in the world Grace. You never were, and never will be._

Tiny nodded dutifully.

Zig took a step forward. "How about Tiny and I go and get burgers. My treat... I got the job you arranged for me last semester."

Maya nodded. _Good for you_ , she wanted to say, but she couldn't be too nice. "That sounds good. Thanks." She directed it at Tiny.

She saw Tiny smother a chuckle. Was he enjoying this? Perhaps, though she had to say if she were on the outside looking in, it would be mildly amusing.

"What do you want on yours?" Tiny asked.

"Zig knows," she said plainly, a playful smirk on her lips. Of course he knows. He would know exactly what she wanted on her burger, how many packets of ketchup, and how many of his fries he would have to put in her bag. Zig's eyes lit up a little, but he didn't speak. Probably for the best. Let her and Tiny play their game for a bit at his expense.

"Zig often says you are a fan of Burger's Priest," Tiny asked to clarify. His chuckle gave the game up.

"Tell Zig to talk about more than me, for a change," she said without malice.

Zig frowned. "Alright, alright. We'll be back in half an hour. Text us, or your mom, if you need someone."

Maya nodded. She had learned to speak her mind when needed. Hopefully others could do the same.

"Are you sure you're okay by yourself?" Tiny asked. "One of us can stay with you."

"I'll be fine," Maya promised. “I want to stay with her.”

**Author's Note:**

> I’m kind of uncertain about the ending, but it fits. The boys leave and Maya waits for Grace to wake up. I would like to note the Zoë negativity comes from Maya’s POV. She has little reason to feel nicely towards her, though Maya’s angel nature pops in for a bit. And, to clarify, Maya doesn’t “love” Grace. The line about those she loves refers to her feeling for them as people, not romance.


End file.
